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| Recently there’s been a lot of talk about how America’s space program will suffer due to budget cuts. According to their numbers (click here to see the actual budget), NASA plans to spend about $100 Billion over the next 5 years. We’re no math majors, but that seems like a lot of matzoh balls that could go for much better things (like teachers and health care).
So what’s being cut? The shuttle program, for one thing. NASA is also aborting its “Constellation” project, you know, that new and exciting plan to take mankind to (wait for it)… The Moon?! Excuse us for disbelieving the conspiracy theorists, but we’re pretty sure we’ve already been there. Look, we’re excited for amazing IMAX 3-D images of those desolate moon craters, but can’t we just get those from the rover footage being transmitted from MARS?! Nobody watches black and white anymore anyway. “Get your Ass to Mahs.” |
People love watching anything about space exploration, but the fascination tends to be of the fictional variety. Some of the very best characters and story arcs come from Star Trek (unless you’re the Token Black Guy). No offense to our friends at NASA, but have you watched one of their press conferences recently? Yikes. Ever watched a weekend marathon of Nova? No thanks. Star Trek, on the other hand, yes please!
There’s lots of ways to capture our imagination in space. Like peyote. Okay, maybe hallucinogenics aren’t the safest travel favors, but you get the idea. We don’t have patience for reality, we need Ben Affleck in that tear-jerking scene from Armageddon. Or how about “Mad Men” in space – Space Advertising Exec. cheats on wife with alien chicks. Or “The Bachelor” – On the Wings of the Shuttle. BTW, if any network head is reading this, we’re open to drafting some concept scripts. Inquire within. |
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| Look, we certainly don’t revel in NASA employees losing their jobs, but these are our best and brightest. Let’s have them focus less on the great void, and more on helping the people right here on Planet Earth. We’ll keep funding their climate research, satellites, and air-purifying lasers (yes, that last one is real), but as for spending ridiculous amounts of cashish trying to send Astronauts even farther into space? Not so much.
We know, we know. “We’ll fall behind other countries! What if China lands a monkey on Pluto before we do?!”. Well, guess what. WHO CARES? Lunar landings won’t help them eradicate cancer or hunger, will it? Let ‘em go ahead and outspend the good ole’ USA on that front. Lord knows we can use the competitive balance. We’ve been winning the War of Rich Neighbors Showing Off Their Useless Crap for far too long. It started with the obnoxious holiday displays, spread to SUVs and McMansions, and now it’s eventually “I have a bigger spaceship than you!” See, e.g. Richard Branson. When it comes to space travel, Americans only support it because it captures our imagination. But there are cheaper ways to do that. Speaking of which… |
Is it so wrong to cram popcorn down our throats and wonder just how rich Avatar’s James Cameron is? Forget boring Space Station footage, we want to see a world where you can get a new pair of legs, and sleep with a ten-foot tall blue chick in a bed of glow-in-the-dark grass.
Ironically, there’s plenty of strange creatures right here on Earth! If you want the final frontier (of stupidity), just tune in for the nightly brainwashing on Fox “News.” Admittedly, that genre is more horror than sci-fi, but at least you can get your daily scare on. (“TONIGHT: Can eating vegetables KILL you? Tune in at 10pm to find out!”) Nope, we’d rather stick to fiction (not that the Glenn Beck Show isn’t). Give us more James “Tiberius” Kirk and his hesitation-dribble speech patterns. Maybe from time to time, we can visit with Captain Jean Luc Picard on the holodeck. Heck, we’re not even opposed to a remake or two, just as long as Leonard Nimoy gets a cameo. In the end, what we’re saying is to leave the space exploration to Hollywood. Unless, of course, one of those high-powered telescope thingys discovers a Shake Shack on Uranus (for example). Then it’s All Systems Go! |
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Tags: Budget, Captain Kirk, Fox News, Glenn Beck, NASA, Richard Branson, Shake Shack, Star Trek, Total Recall
Star Trek–me likey. But boys boys boys–we girls have to get some action too. Uhuru was HOT (can’t speak for those convention Trekkie girls, tho) & yet where was her, er, satisfaction? When you’re writing said action, how about a little for us chicks with a gorgeous, sweet adonis (preferably not blue)? The boys always get to have all the fun.
Mwah & hugs,
Rachel