We’re talking about homes like Candy Spelling’s 73,500sf of ridiculousness, with three, (count ‘em, three) gift wrapping rooms, and a room for her bizarre 1,000+ Chucky-like doll collection. You remember, the collection Spelling later claimed she started for her transsexual looking daughter, Tori. Who woulda thought the man who created Charlie’s Angels would end up with a daughter so decidedly un-angel-like.. Yikes. No wonder those two don’t get along. Can anyone say “Mommy-dearest.”

Even the Bouvier-Beales, the infamous Southhampton mother/daughter socialites, decided to forgo the luxury of their Grey Gardens mansion, in favor of a life of squalor. Okay, bad example. But by foresaking the luxuries of their Mega-Home, they found fame (posthumous, but still) when the Mayles Brothers crafted a stunning documentary about their extraordinary lives, which was later turned into a Broadway play and HBO feature film. But all that’s beside the point. Folks need to rethink their ridiculous properties in favor of something more appropriate.

But that’s nothing.  Ira Rennert’s colossal estate in Sagaponack was recently dubbed the largest home in the United States.  A purported 66,000 to 110,000 square feet (without or with outbuildings) with 29 bedrooms, 39 bathrooms, and its very own power plant! Oh, and it’s situated on a tidy 63 oceanfront acres. Really, the property seems better suited for the residents of HBO’s Juniper Creek. Rennert has three grown children (for whom he’s spent $66 million on their NYC apartments). Ummm, errr… so it’s pretty much just ole’ Ira and the wife by themselves in the Big House.

Wanna throw up a little bit in your mouth (if you haven’t already)? Check out this list of the top ten mega mansions, and imagine living in a place where you never have to interact with your family (maybe that part’s not so bad). In total, these “homes” comprise some 580,000sf, and have an estimated market value of over $800 million. Even if ten residents occupied each of these homes (doubtful), that would equal 11,000 SF per person!

Or how about those Salwen’s? The Power of Half family, who were influenced by their teenage daughter, Hannah, to sell their enlarged Atlanta, Georgia home in order to buy something half as big.  Hannah, a 14 year old ripe with teenage angst, led her parents to “do something” about social injustice and wasteful consumption. They decided to reduce their living quarters, and not only that,  but then they donated half the profits from the sale of their $800,000 property to charity. As a result, they claim that they’re a closer family (albeit one who has made a boatload of cash selling their story in print and on television). Heck, they’re even supposedly donating half of the profits raised by their new-found celebrity.

Are you picking up what we’re putting down? We don’t need insanely huge homes and apartments, we just want them. Look, home ownership is a big part of the American Dream, and no one should dissuade you from enjoying the fruits of your labor. It’s just a matter of taste, restraint, conservation, and maturity. Assess your needs, and go from there. Period.