It’s not that we think that the country is filled with stupid people who can’t understand Obamacare, no, we actually KNOW that it’s filled with stupid people. Sometimes things can get lost in translation, though. We’re pretty much saying that a vast majority of people in this country are MORONS!  Once again, just to be clear here, we’re a Nation of Idiots.

Obama would be much more effective (say, with respect to gay rights) if he simply said things in a new way. For example, “Those with closed minds who are opposed to gay rights may practice whatever they please in their homes and churches, but we’ve got a little diddy playing, and it’s called Separation of Church and State, bitches.”

1. Keep it brief! We got other TV to watch.
2. Buy a TV Network to compete with Fox.
3. Use catchy phrases (8 words or less, please).
4. Wherever possible (always), use colors, explosions and pretty people. (See, e.g. Baywatch ratings)
5. Appeal to people’s fears. You’ll get their attention.
6. Frame and/or cloak all of your messages in universally loved concepts, like religion and patriotism.
7. Repeat the message. A LOT.

It’s just that simple. Keeping your message streamlined makes successful implementation of your ideas more likely by a factor of ten.

But let’s face it, lies or not, The GOP message is catchier. In an ideal world, we could just download all the information from these debates and town halls directly into our brains like Keanu Reeves learned martial arts in the Matrix (“Whoa! I know kung fu…”).  But we can’t. And unfortunately, Barry Obama doesn’t realize we have no patience for lecture time from our President/Professor. No one’s reading “War and Peace” anymore, we’re DVR’ing “Jersey Shore”  so that we can watch “Lost” while surfing the internet for the latest Corey Haim overdose news.  We only process billboard ads that contain eight words or less. The most effective commercials are 30 seconds long.

So take our advice, Mr. President. Cut the boring explanations, and SPIN your message into a delicious medley of easily digestible info. Right now.

“God wants us to take care of the poor!” (Clouds part, woman in bikini runs by)

“Poor Americans are still Americans nonetheless.” (Poor, but hot woman in bikini – explosion in background)

“Our country’s success starts with keeping Americans healthy.” (Family with baby – MILF in bikini.)

“God loveth the health of God-Fearing Americans, and he will smote you down if you oppose Health Care Reform!” (God himself in red-white-and-blue bikini. Explosion!)

That’s it. That’s our pitch, President Obama. Learn from the Republicans. How the hell else do you think George W. Bush managed to stay in office? He may have been dumb, but he wasn’t “stoopid.”

There are votes to be had out there. Apparently, all you have to do is scare people into thinking their religions and families are under attack by gays and socialists.  Dumb?  Sure. But you gotta admit, it’s catchy!