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| We have all been there before. After a significant breakup with someone, you have surely heard the words, “Let’s be friends.” I have used them; you have used them. Well, now I really want to question why the hell we wasted our time in doing so. Unless you were really good friends with your newly ex-partner, why would you ever want to spend any time in their presence? Then again, even if you were friends prior to the intimate relationship, does it ever return to being the same? | All right, so if you are not going to go with a tired cliché to end a relationship, what are you going to do? How about some ol’ fashioned asshole honesty? Allow me to quote myself, here: “… you really don’t give a sh*t by that point.” You probably use the clichés not because you genuinely care about the other person’s feelings, but because you just don’t want a messy scene on your hands. In all your breakups, how many times did you ask yourself, “How can I make this as clean as possible?” | |||
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Author Archive
LESS BEING FRIENDS. MORE FINALITY.
Tuesday, August 24th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
LESS OMG. MORE STFU.
Monday, August 9th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| I have to give Jack Dorsey, Biz Stone and Evan Williams credit. They created something that allows people to be significantly more annoying: Twitter. For certain things – following a sport, keeping track of a major developing story or the most ridiculously awesome blog on the web, etc. – the social networking website can be exceptionally useful. However, there are many occasions where you find yourself victim to being told about the feckless events of others’ everyday lives. | I respect my elders. No, I don’t mean those things waiting for death’s call in a retirement home who are just giant liver spots. (I was planning to link to a funny/creepy picture of some old dudes, but in doing a Google image search for “really old people,” a picture of Miley Cyrus wrapped in a satin bedsheet came up as the second hit. WTF?) I am referring to anyone who’s 27 or older. In my experience, once you start that cliff dive into your 30s, you seemingly start not giving a sh*t less. | |||
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LESS CA DREAMIN’. MORE KC SHUFFLE.
Tuesday, July 27th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| First things first: this piece will likely contain a couple of spoilers, so this is your disclaimer. Second things second: “Inception”was an utterly fantastic film that I highly recommend you seeing. Now, having said that, I have not always been a fan of films that leave the audience with an open-ended ending. Yet, having said that (why, yes, I am going to milk the hell out of this joke), the ending was not necessarily bad, just a type that I do not particularly favor. | Yes, Kansas City is known for something other than … wait, what the hell is that damn city known for? Good jazz? Anyway, the Kansas City shuffle, adequately defined by the indispensable Urban Dictionary as “when you look left and Bruce Willis snaps your neck,” as well as “anything involving distraction and misdirection.” In films, this idea is put into practice ad nauseum. However, when done properly, it takes a good film to memorable status. | |||
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LESS SUGAR. MORE SPICE.
Monday, July 12th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| OK, OK, OK, so this is a bit of a contradictory post for yours truly. But so frickin’ what? People need to be dealt with in unfortunate ways every so often. I am on record as saying that people should not be such smartasses to their fellow men, but the me from over a month ago is a rampaging idiot. What did everyone’s favorite fake, quote-rich grandmother used to say? “You can catch more flies with vinegar than with honey.” Well, the old hag was damn right. Being a jerk is how you get things done. | Dimebag Darrell is a people’s champion. Sir Dimebag doesn’t like to leave his loyal and awesome LTMT readers hanging after telling them to make a radical societal change. So, now that I have all of you shoving past old ladies while crossing the street and conveniently failing to alert the previous ATM user that she forgot to close her account (yes, this actually happened; yes, I did alert her; yes, I do sometimes kick myself for doing so), I am compelled to further instruct you how to act. | |||
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LESS LLC. MORE BBQ.
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| I was recently hired as a copy editing intern, a position that involves important tasks, and I am pretty enthused about starting. Between that, my uber-sweet spot here at Less This. More That. and an eventual job that will pay me money this summer, I am quite the busy dude this “vacationing” season. Unfortunately, this does not seem to be a unique situation. From soon-to-be graduates to working stiffs, the summer has brought little reprieve from the daily 9-to-5 grind of the rest of the year. | Now that you have shown some admirable brazenness by walking into The Man’s office and demanding some extra time off, what exactly are you to do this summer with your free time between trips to the unemployment office? How about showing your displeasure towards that faulty fax machine that has kept you past the closing bell way too many goddamn times to count (come on, you didn’t think a piece on this topic wouldn’t have a single “Office Space” reference, did you?)? | |||
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LESS CLASS. MORE ASS.
Thursday, June 10th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| As of Memorial Day, the summer season is unofficially upon us. This seems to come with the mandate to wear as little clothing as possible and push the boundaries of what is known as “decency.” Whether you are strutting down the streets of midtown Manhattan or the grassy roads of Mobile, Alabama, you are likely to spot an attractive young lady (or a hella old one who is way past her prime and should dress accordingly) who is doing her best to accentuate her, uh, “finer parts” by her attire. | “Less Class. More Ass.” is all about awareness and appreciation. Hell, you can even dub it a movement. Whether you are talking about men or women, showing off the qualities of your body in a tasteful manner (Who am I kidding? I enjoy the tasteless just as much.) is about as ‘Merican as you can get. Oh, and seeing as how the summer hosts the most patriotic of all national holidays, deciding not to flaunt “what ya momma gave ya” is the equivalent of being a Commie. | |||
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LESS (RE)HASH. MORE NEW BUZZ.
Thursday, May 27th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| Out with the old, in with the new, I say. Too long has Hollywood survived on its remakes of films of yesteryear. Now, it’s just getting to a point where I am offended as a paying moviegoer and drama major; it’s getting to a point where I am forced to dedicate 400-plus words to express my film-geek anger. | Look, I can’t sit here and tell you how difficult it is to come up with an entirely original idea that is fit for the silver screen. What I can tell you, though, is that the public is fed up with the remakes. It is time to embrace your inner psychotic surgeon and come up with some thrilling (and new!) ideas, Hollywood. | |||
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LESS WISE-ASS. MORE KICK-ASS.
Monday, May 17th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| People talk too much crap nowadays. You would be amazed at what classifies as an argument at the local high school. I visited my alma mater recently and saw two boys yelling at each other over a game of cards about how there might have been shenanigans going on. What ensued was a series of curses and emphatic finger-pointing (finger-pointing!), yet not a single punch or shove. | Unlike the teenage boys who were unable to actually throw a haymaker or two, I am advocating a return to a much more physical culture. I truly believe this would solve countless societal issues. If someone tries to cut in front of you in line at Starbucks, a quick backhand upside the ol’ noodle would suffice. No stunned look on your face to express disbelief and disrespect, just a slap and a “Get back there.” | |||
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LESS USA. MORE NYC.
Tuesday, May 4th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| We here at LTMT are multi-dimensional folk. We love sports, fine cuisine, beer, recreational drugs, beer, sex, beer and traveling. Ah, traveling. Now, I’m not talking about awe-inspiring trips to see the Sistine Chapel in person (by the way, if you want to send me on a murderous rampage, call it the “Sixteenth Chapel”) or spontaneous trips to Amsterdam that you’ll likely misremember a few weeks later, but I mean trips across this great, vast nation of ours. | You know how I know New York City is awesome? People who are famous and rich say so. In fact, an abundance of great writers before my time have waxed poetic about the romance and atmosphere of this city, and awesome guys and gals certainly don’t need to speaks words that have already been spoken. Nope, this piece is about why folks who were born & raised in the NYC should forever be grateful that theirs is the home of the Shake Shack… and not of Sweet Home Alabama. | |||
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LESS IDIOCY. MORE LEARNING.
Tuesday, March 30th, 2010by Dimebag Darrell
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| Let’s face it: this country is (sadly) rife with less education and more idiocy. Just last week, the free daily, amNewYork, wrote of how one-quarter of our high school juniors and seniors “misidentified Adolf Hitler.” One of the most vile people this world has known is just another name (or some dude that got screwed over by Microsoft) to one out of every four American 17-year-olds. You might think that “schooled” adults with degrees and mortgages would fare much better, but a recent look at trends on Google showed that searches for “Assburgers Syndrome” peaked a day after Parenthood – a primetime drama with a married couple that has a son with Asperger’s – debuted on NBC. Depressing, isn’t it? | Here at the home office, we’re big baseball fans, and some of us are stats geeks. While such a tidbit may be uninteresting to most, it does serve to prove a point. You see, the objective analysis of baseball through statistical measures, or sabermetrics, isn’t something that is taught in school, or readily learned without some effort. We simply discovered an interest in the subject and “educated” ourselves. What is most disturbing about the average uneducated American is that he or she possesses a complete and utter disinterest in learning something on their own. It seems to us that people look at education not as an exercise in personal enrichment, but rather a chore, or a necessary evil to pass an exam. Sad, but true. | |||
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