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| You are sitting in a posh restaurant enjoying a sumptuous meal, the scents of herbs, citrus and delicate fish wafting up from your plate, delighting your senses. The only thing better than the smell is the taste of each bite. Suddenly, your reverie is broken as the maitre d’ leads a woman wearing a mushroom cloud of heavy floral perfume to the table next to yours. She smells so much that she could be a strategic chemical weapon for the Marines. You gag on your minutes-ago delectable meal. | There are so many delicious natural scents in the world that are simply inimitable and yet the world keeps trying to re-create them in a box, in a spray, in a candle. It won’t happen. You can’t re-create these scents and the special memories they invoke. So move on, corporate America. Stop treating us with such condescending disdain for our intelligence. Sadly, the fragrance companies are making millions off of our desire to get a whiff of something good. Try something natural, folks. | |||
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Author Archive
LESS VET BILLS. MORE VET LAWS.
Friday, August 20th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| I’m not one for heavy regulation, but after my BFF plunked down seven large in a moment of anguish, I’m starting to think Dr. Doolittle might need some oversight. I’m also pretty sure that this isn’t an anomaly. Emergency vet clinics prey on the distressed, the hysterical and distraught. People whose pets, their “babies,” are about to die or who think their pets are about to die do will do anything, spend anything, at that precise emotional moment to save them. | The internet is rife with pissed-off people who were overcharged by overzealous emergency vets. On Brent’s blog, he tells a tale of a lethargic cat that turned out to have a possum bite. Off to the emergency vet at 9 pm. Two days and lots of unnecessary procedures later, he was slapped with a bill in excess of $1,000. Had he waited till the morning and gone to the regular vet, he could have shaved 50 percent off that bill. They smell the fear and go for the wallet. | |||
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LESS FOOLS. MORE TOMFOOLERY.
Friday, August 6th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| They say people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, but hey, that’s what this blog is for, lobbing stones at fools. Let’s face it; other people just do things that fall into our pet peeve zone, and I’m here today to call just a few of them out. | Instead of fools – and I’m sure you have a list of your own – how about more tomfoolery? Because that’s what summer is all about. A little tomfoolery never hurt anyone. And don’t waste another minute, because it’s already August. | |||
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LESS SNIPING. MORE STFU.
Friday, July 23rd, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| I am embarrassed to admit that I’ve started sniping too much. You probably do it too. I feel awful and guilty after I do it and I’m determined to stop. If you can’t say it to someone’s face, then STFU, right? | Why not be nice? Why not just say nothing the next time you are tempted to let an offhand remark fly from your lips? It’s hard, but just try it for a week. Hell, try it for a day, or an hour or two. | |||
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LESS ANNUALS. MORE PERENNIALS.
Monday, June 28th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| I love gardens, flower and herb gardens in particular. Not just my own, but anybody’s gardens that I can enjoy and appreciate. There’s nothing more uplifting or inspiring than strolling through a multicolored garden or simply gazing upon it from an Adirondack chair, cocktail in hand. But after a recent startling trip to the local Home Depot, I am not purchasing more than a token basket of annuals and am holding fast to perennials in the future. | Perennial gardens are an investment in your garden future. Each time you plant a new perennial, it comes back to please you the next year even larger than the year before. Some perennials even self-propagate, making little babies here and there in your garden. And they are all free once you buy the first plant! Unlike certain STDs that won’t go away, you’ll be thrilled when your perennials come back time and again to surprise you each year. | |||
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LESS PRODUCT. MORE NATURAL.
Monday, June 14th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| After mentioning The Donald last week, it got me thinkin’ about hair. I mean really, after business mogul, what’s the first thing people mention about Donald Trump? His freakin’ hair! Curiously, the phenomenon of bad hair day is no longer just a woman’s prerogative. Men have become hair-obsessed. Not since the big hair band days of the ’80s, has hair and the quest for mane-managing products taken up such a big part of a man’s day. | Women fair no better here, from frightening hair extensions to bad color to stylists who should be fired. While men can sport the bald thing, there are only two kinds of women who look great with no hair. First, women who have lost their hair due to disease. We might even shave our own heads in solidarity. Some women shave their heads in bizarre moments of insanity, but unless you’re Demi Moore in GI Jane, it’s just not a good idea. | |||
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LESS TEXT. MORE TALK.
Tuesday, June 8th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| We’ve become a device-dependent society, with a crackberried adult population setting the prime example for their kids. How have we ever lived without such endless connectivity? More importantly, what will happen to today’s antisocially connected youth when they are faced with having to actually converse with other people without devices in their hands? Why bother to talk when you can text, surf, update your Facebook and Twitter page and keep your peeps updated on every aspect of your life without speaking a single word? | Texting is okay for quick check-in, but not long conversations. In love relationships, part of the attraction can be the sound of the object of your affection’s voice. Can’t get that from a text. Conversation lets you hear the joy in friends’ voices when they know it’s you calling to share news. That human contact enables you to pick up on the distracted tone in a friend’s voice if she is troubled or sad. And you don’t need CAPITAL LETTERS TO TELL YOU SOMEONE IS ANGRY; it will show in the tone of voice, face and body language. | |||
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LESS DOLTS. MORE DOLPHINS.
Friday, May 14th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| Three plus years into the post apocalypse of divorce and swimming in the bleak dating pool, I’ve had enough. At first I figured that among my many friends and acquaintances, someone might know a decent, single man to whom they could introduce me. Apparently not, so I ventured into online dating with trepidation and a huge sense of humor. Maybe was expecting too much, but mostly I met a bunch of dolts who looked nothing like their picture. | Let’s look at the balance sheet here. Clearly men, aka dolts, come up short in almost every way. Dolphins have more grace and intelligence. They’ve also got much smoother skin, too. And dolphins don’t troll dating sites, they just troll seabeds for tasty fish to eat. They are beautiful and delightful creatures that mesmerize and captivate people worldwide with their antics and humanity. Men don’t mesmerize or captivate, unless they’re gay. | |||
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LESS WAR. MORE PILLOW FIGHTS.
Wednesday, April 7th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| Imagine if people used pillows instead of tanks and guns to solve their disputes. Not only would the world be a lot safer place, but it would also be a lot more fun. April 3rd was International Pillow Fight Day, and from New York to the Ukraine, battle hardened soldiers armed themselves with feathers and foam to duke it out. The masses converged at pre-designated spots for flash mob-pillow fights. Next year, we are SO there. | Pillow fights resurrect our youth, and return us to a simpler, happier, more carefree time. A time before we worried about the economy, planes being flown into buildings, and a touch of the Swine. Pillow fights may even begin in anger, but they almost always end in laughter, sexy-time, or a concussion. If it’s good enough for the Beatles (above in a Paris hotel), then it should be good enough for dictators and frienemies alike. | |||
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LESS EXPOSURE. MORE MYSTERY.
Thursday, March 18th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| If you’re like us, you love to surf the Interwebs. And if you’ve used the Googles, it’s more than likely that you’ve been inadvertently redirected to an erotica site that smacks you in the face with an up close & personal va-jay-jay or schong shot. It’s like passing a fatal car accident – you can’t turn away, but you really don’t want to look. Okay maybe you do. But do we really need to see that kind of stuff? Less bare crotch. More undies. Seriously. | Let’s face it, men want to see body parts. In fact, it’s usually “the more, the better” when it comes to our XY carrying friends. Not only that, but those body parts had better be doing something with one another other. It’s pretty much why 9/10 dudes will tell you that Skinemax just doesn’t cut it. “Doesn’t show enough,” they whine. Ladies like the build up, the music, the suggestive nature of it all. Guess it’s that Mars. v. Venus thing at work again. | |||
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LESS MEGA-HOME. MORE RESTRAINT.
Tuesday, March 9th, 2010by Mrs. Robinson
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| By now we’re all painfully aware that the roots of our current economic plight can be directly traced to the Real Estate market and the excessive speculation, borrowing and risk underwritten thereof. Which got us to thinking, how much is enough? When are people satisfied with the space they need, as opposed to several pointless rooms for collections of their stupid stuff. Honestly, what normal-sized family needs to live in a gargantuan mega McMansion?
We’re talking about homes like Candy Spelling’s 73,500sf of ridiculousness, with three, (count ‘em, three) gift wrapping rooms, and a room for her bizarre 1,000+ Chucky-like doll collection. You remember, the collection Spelling later claimed she started for her transsexual looking daughter, Tori. Who woulda thought the man who created Charlie’s Angels would end up with a daughter so decidedly un-angel-like.. Yikes. No wonder those two don’t get along. Can anyone say “Mommy-dearest.” |
Why don’t the wealthy emulate the great Warren Buffett, who still lives in the modest home in Omaha that he purchased back in 1958 for a mere $31,500. Granted, it’s worth about $700K now and he has added a few California beach houses to the ole’ portofolio, but we can grant him a transgression every now and again. The man is worth $37 billion dollars!
Even the Bouvier-Beales, the infamous Southhampton mother/daughter socialites, decided to forgo the luxury of their Grey Gardens mansion, in favor of a life of squalor. Okay, bad example. But by foresaking the luxuries of their Mega-Home, they found fame (posthumous, but still) when the Mayles Brothers crafted a stunning documentary about their extraordinary lives, which was later turned into a Broadway play and HBO feature film. But all that’s beside the point. Folks need to rethink their ridiculous properties in favor of something more appropriate. |
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