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| We’re going to start with an interactive demonstration. First, I want you to turn on your TV to any of the 24-hour news networks. Now, turn around and walk to the furthest place in the room that is opposite the TV. Okay, good. Now get into a sprinting position and run headfirst into your television set. If you’ve followed my instructions correctly, there should a large throbbing pain in your skull. In 10 seconds, you have just accomplished what watching an hour of CNN or Fox or MSNBC accomplishes. | There’s a debate right now about whether or not to build a mosque near Ground Zero in New York City. Now, how you feel about the issue is irrelevant; I’m merely using it as an example to explain my new method of American political discourse. Picture Glenn Beck (I know, I know, try not to wretch). He’s obviously opposed to building the mosque. Next picture Al Franken (again, hold that gag reflex), who is most likely on the other side of the argument. Now picture them both in a battle royale! Two men enter, one man leaves, the winner determines policy. | |||
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Posts Tagged ‘Fox News’
LESS DEBATING. MORE FIGHTING.
Friday, August 27th, 2010by Lord Rochester
LESS NASA. MORE STAR TREK.
Monday, March 8th, 2010by Johnny Biscuits
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| Recently there’s been a lot of talk about how America’s space program will suffer due to budget cuts. According to their numbers (click here to see the actual budget), NASA plans to spend about $100 Billion over the next 5 years. We’re no math majors, but that seems like a lot of matzoh balls that could go for much better things (like teachers and health care).
So what’s being cut? The shuttle program, for one thing. NASA is also aborting its “Constellation” project, you know, that new and exciting plan to take mankind to (wait for it)… The Moon?! Excuse us for disbelieving the conspiracy theorists, but we’re pretty sure we’ve already been there. Look, we’re excited for amazing IMAX 3-D images of those desolate moon craters, but can’t we just get those from the rover footage being transmitted from MARS?! Nobody watches black and white anymore anyway. “Get your Ass to Mahs.” |
People love watching anything about space exploration, but the fascination tends to be of the fictional variety. Some of the very best characters and story arcs come from Star Trek (unless you’re the Token Black Guy). No offense to our friends at NASA, but have you watched one of their press conferences recently? Yikes. Ever watched a weekend marathon of Nova? No thanks. Star Trek, on the other hand, yes please!
There’s lots of ways to capture our imagination in space. Like peyote. Okay, maybe hallucinogenics aren’t the safest travel favors, but you get the idea. We don’t have patience for reality, we need Ben Affleck in that tear-jerking scene from Armageddon. Or how about “Mad Men” in space – Space Advertising Exec. cheats on wife with alien chicks. Or “The Bachelor” – On the Wings of the Shuttle. BTW, if any network head is reading this, we’re open to drafting some concept scripts. Inquire within. |
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LESS PALIN ON FOX. MORE STERN TO HBO.
Friday, January 15th, 2010by Chairman of the Bored
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| The world was shocked earlier this week when Fox News announced that long-time Professor of Talking Points and former Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin, was joining the network as a roving (no, not that Rove) Contributor and Analyst. Palin was summarily “interviewed” by network stalwart and ratings hound Bill O’Reilly, where she was forced to answer hard hitting questions like “Where do you stand on butter substitutes?” and “Isn’t it true that you wear more expensive shoes than the First Lady?” | Which got us to thinking. Who could come to TV in a way that we’d all have to stop and take notice? Conclusion? The time has come for Howard Stern to sign with HBO and host his very own daily late-night talk show. With all apologies to Jon Stewart (who we LOVE), If anyone can dominate the ratings, it is the King of All Media. Not only would Howard operate without fear of censorship, but neither Letterman, nor Leno would be allowed to go anywhere near material suitable only for HBO. | |||
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