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| Enough already! I’ve had it. Can we please dispense with the hoopla surrounding the impending decision of “The Chosen One” (a.k.a. Lebron James) on which NBA team to play for/city to be deified in. Oh yeah, and how soon he can become a billionaire. | Can you hear that? It’s the sound of anyone reading this column booing me right now. I understand. At first, I wanted to boo myself, but much as you want to hate him, the guy is a winner. He may be cocky or arrogant, but winners are entitled to be that way. | |||
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Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’
LESS LEBRON. MORE KOBE.
Wednesday, June 30th, 2010by Jacki Moonshine
LESS POKING. MORE PHONING.
Thursday, April 8th, 2010by Chairman of the Bored
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| At first glance it may seem innocuous enough, but the ubiquitous Facebook “poke” feature is starting to reach cataclysmic proportions. Communication has degraded into some kind of cyber ping-pong: You like-me? I-like-you You-like-me? I-like-you ad infinitum. As a staff, we didn’t grow up in the most chivalrous of ages, so that’s probably why haven’t really noticed or been bothered by the migration of human interaction to online platforms. Surely, chatting, IM’ing, and texting is how we roll too, but from a romantic perspective, it’s rather disconcerting. | With all the mobiles floating around nowadays, you’d think there would be more phone calls. And yet, all we see are people tapping away on their iPhones for hours on end. They also take a lot of pictures (of food, dogs, houseplants, gardens, and genitals). Sometimes they even blast the latest Timberlake single. But talking? Seems like only banker dudes engage in that tomfoolery. “Buy! Sell! Call me in Hong Kong!” Even Tiger Woods preferred texting to talking. Technically, that was sexting, but that point gets lost in translation, because no one talks to one another anymore anyway! | |||
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LESS HORNY. MORE HONESTY.
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010by D. Znutts
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| My fellow contributor, the brilliant Uncle Peterstain, offered up an extremely provocative article last week (read first). Unfortunately for him, I’m D. Znutts (despite my gender-challenged name), a woman with the ability to hit my Uncle back ten times harder than he smacked down my ladies. I love office strife. Really, what better way to refute a chauvinist male than with the fact-based opinions of a “crazy” chauvinistic alpha-female? But don’t worry, Broseph, this is just business. We’ll smooth it over later by the water cooler.
Look, we all know that men have been led around by their testicles for centuries. Wait, let me rephrase that. Men have been led around by their testicles since the beginning of time. I know, I know, “men are genetically engineered to spread their seed.” Here’s an idea, if you guys want to cite genetics, how about some conscious EVOLUTION? You know, a learned progression of sorts, less of your Trouser Snake (and who it will uncontrollably strangle this week), and more honest ko-moon-i-kay-shun. |
Ask any woman what she wants most in a man, and 9 times outta 10 you’ll get the exact same reply. HONESTY. Men constantly whine that women are so complicated and demanding, but what we really want at the end of the day is a little bit of truth (which leads to trust).
Don’t like me anymore? Fine, break up with me. Please. Not only will you save yourself precious cashish (no more pointless dates), but you’ll also be saving your dignity. Don’t be a scumbag, and resort to cheating and lying about it. Need to sow your wild oats? Don’t want to be tied down? Fine. Go for it. Be as crazy as you want on your own time. No one’s here to judge, just don’t take any victims with you. Don’t get or stay married. Don’t lead someone to believe you’re committed to them when you’re not. Seems pretty simple, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, it’s not. Lack of integrity seems to be running rampant these days, it’s almost pseudo-acceptable to be a complete slimeball. Well, no more. I’m setting things straight. |
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LESS ATHLETES. MORE PROS.
Monday, March 1st, 2010by Jacki Moonshine
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| Lately we’ve been seeing A LOT of negative press surrounding some of our most famous and celebrated professional athletes. There’s that golfer dude, Le Tigre. We’ve got NBA “sharpshooter” Gilbert Arenas. Even our old friend Mark McGwire is back from the dead to start his new career “advising” young baseball players on the best ways to hit the long ball.
We could sit here for hours, telling jokes at the expense of our most despicable millionaire sports stars (and their exceedingly deplorable behavior), but that would only be telling 1/100th of the story. In all fairness, for every over-exposed, media-hyped athlete train-wreck, there are countless examples of those who do it the right way, the oft-ignored professional athlete who gets it. Think of it like a logic game. All men and women who run fast, jump high, and possess elite hand-eye coordination are athletes, but not all athletes are PROFESSIONAL. |
What we’re driving at here is that professionalism and (gasp) good samaritanism deserve more press, more praise, and even a touch of national pride. Sure, it might not be as attention grabbing as accidentally shooting yourself In Da Club, or getting caught with a “loaded gun” in a local motel with someone other than your wife, but maybe all of us can be just a little more mindful and appreciative when we see or hear about an athlete’s good deeds.
Let’s face it. Sex, drugs and guns sell. It’s not like we have a problem with that, either. Heck, True Romance is running on a 24-hour loop here in the LessThis office. That said, what’s wrong with a little inspiration (followed by recognition) in this topsy-turvy world. Not only are there some amazing athletes out there, but there are also many PROFESSIONAL athletes doing great things on and off the field. Being a pro should mean something, even if batting .700 for your beer league softball team doesn’t make you a Pro. |
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LESS ‘C’ROLE MODELS. MORE MODEL BEHAVIOR.
Monday, February 8th, 2010by Chairman of the Bored
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| Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe. Catch a Tiger by his mistress tic-tac-toe. If he “hollas,” let him go.
Nursery Rhyme advice well received, it seems. We wouldn’t describe ourselves as being particularly close, per se, with Tiger’s estranged wife, Elin Nordegren (we’d really like to get closer), but we’re taking a proactive stance with respect to Tiger and every other Celebrity Role Model (“CROLES“). We’re kicking them all to the curb. Permanently. |
Forget fame, fortune, good looks or talent. G-Clue Money (above) has oodles of all four, but what really sets him apart from his Crole counterparts is his ability to set a worthy example and inspire his fellow man. Clooney’s worked tirelessly to bring publicity to horrible atrocities committed in third-world nations, and more recently, he organized the “Hope for Haiti” telethon that has raised some $60m to date. There’s more news. George isn’t alone as an example of someone to “model” ourselves after. | |||
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LESS PALIN ON FOX. MORE STERN TO HBO.
Friday, January 15th, 2010by Chairman of the Bored
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| The world was shocked earlier this week when Fox News announced that long-time Professor of Talking Points and former Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin, was joining the network as a roving (no, not that Rove) Contributor and Analyst. Palin was summarily “interviewed” by network stalwart and ratings hound Bill O’Reilly, where she was forced to answer hard hitting questions like “Where do you stand on butter substitutes?” and “Isn’t it true that you wear more expensive shoes than the First Lady?” | Which got us to thinking. Who could come to TV in a way that we’d all have to stop and take notice? Conclusion? The time has come for Howard Stern to sign with HBO and host his very own daily late-night talk show. With all apologies to Jon Stewart (who we LOVE), If anyone can dominate the ratings, it is the King of All Media. Not only would Howard operate without fear of censorship, but neither Letterman, nor Leno would be allowed to go anywhere near material suitable only for HBO. | |||
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